The Matrix Revolutions gone insane!
by Akenaten
Summary: Well, here it is! My parody of selected scenes from the Matrix Revolutions, with almost everybody! If you saw the movie, you are old enough to read this! PLEASE R&R!


THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS, GONE INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
DISCLAMER: WE DON'T OWN ANYTHING IN THIS STORY EXCEPT BOB THE SOUND GUY  
  
Rating: None, really. If you saw the movie, you're old enough to read this! Please R&R!!  
  
Our story begins at Club Hel.......  
  
Nameless Female Extra 1: Look at me getting my nipples twisted for no reason at all! OUCH!!  
  
Nameless Male or Female Extra #4: Look at me trying to hump this table!!  
  
(Morpheus, Seraph and Trinity enter with their guns drawn, trying to look intimidating)  
  
The Merovingian: Listen to my really fake French accent!  
  
Persephone: And watch me sit here doing nothing at all except trying not to fall out of my dress!  
  
Male audience members: Damn!  
  
(Everyone points their guns at everyone else in the "no guns allowed" club)  
  
T.M: How many of these damn olives do I have to eat???!  
  
Trinity: What's it going to be, Merv? By the way, where did you get the Trainman?  
  
T.M: "Ugly Actors 'R' Us", where do you think??  
  
(Fast forward to the Oracle's Apartment)  
  
Oracle: Seraph, you take Sati and try to hide in a really obvious place, so that Smith can come and find you!!  
  
Seraph: OK. Can we have some cookies?  
  
Oracle: NO! They're for my son, Smith!  
  
Sati: Look at me being really cute and adorable!!  
  
Oracle: Will you just get your ass out of here, you little twerp?! (Seraph and Sati leave and hide in a empty apartment)  
  
(The Smiths come in)  
  
Agent Smith: I have to take over Sati and have the audience hate me even more!  
  
(Smith and a few of his identical goons enter the Oracle's apartment)  
  
A.S: Did you bake me any cookies??  
  
The Oracle: I bake EVERYONE cookies, you're no different!!  
  
Other Smiths: Yay! We get to have a sugar rush!!  
  
T.O: What did you do with Seraph and Sati?  
  
Random Smith: "Cookies need love, like everything does"  
  
T.O: You really are a prick, aren't you?  
  
A.S: You should know, Mom!  
  
T.O: How did I every give birth to a skinny, sorry-ass white boy like you??!  
  
A.S: Who's my daddy?  
  
T.O: The Architect.  
  
A.S: If you are my mommy, how come I'm white???  
  
T.O: How should I know? I'm just the Oracle.....  
  
A.S: But you're supposed to know everything!!  
  
T.O: Can we get on with you taking me over now???  
  
A.S: OK, Mom.....(takes over the Oracle, but not completely. He's wearing her green dress....it's way too big for him). Mom, will you stop eating those damn cookies????  
  
(He takes her over completely, no dress this time)  
  
(takes off his sunglasses)  
  
Audience: Ahh! Put your glasses back on! You have REALLY creepy eyes!!  
  
Smith/Oracle: Listen to my really stupid laugh—TEE HEE TEE HEE!!!  
  
Dr. Evil: CUT!!! That's NOT how you do a frickin' evil laugh, okay? This is an evil laugh—MUHAHAHAHA—but you can't use the pinky gesture---THAT'S MINE!!!  
  
S/O: OK, let me try that again—MUHAHAHA!!!  
  
(skip ahead to the Hammer, where Bane is trying to kill Neo and Trinity)  
  
Bane/Smith: Mrrrr. Annderrssonn!  
  
Neo: Ahh, not again! Why can't you talk faster???  
  
B/S: Because it really pisses you off? (spits blood)  
  
Bob the sound guy: Eww! That's disgusting!!  
  
B/S: Hey, that's MY line, you asshole!!  
  
Neo: Dickhead. But you are really starting to sound like the guy who narrates "The Twilight Zone"......  
  
B/S: Thank you.  
  
Neo: Hey, dude, you are supposed to be Bane taken over by Agent Smith!  
  
B/S: But I have 5 more lines to say before you figure that out, you moron!  
  
(Bane/Smith blinds Neo and has a crowbar ready to smash his brains out)  
  
Neo: Dude, your face is on fire—Cool! Now I have to cut your head off for another really cool effect!  
  
(skip to Zion, just before the squiddies attack)  
  
Captain Mifune: I have to make a speech that gets everyone ready to fight!  
  
All APU Pilots: WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE, YEAH!!  
  
C.M: These APU's would've been really cool if the audience hadn't seen something like it 20 years ago in the movie "Aliens"!!  
  
Commander Lock: We don't have a chance in hell, so let's make the next 20 minutes look really kick-ass with special effects!  
  
Larry W: Yep, that's what we spent all that money on, special effects instead of acting lessons!  
  
Andy W: Right—after all, none of this cast will ever be nominated for an Academy Award for acting!  
  
(On board the Hammer)  
  
Niobe: Roland, hang on to your lunch! (makes ship go upside down in a cool way)  
  
Captain Roland: Too late! (throws up)  
  
(We see the Hammer being chased by the sentinels for the next 45 minutes until it gets to Gate 3)  
  
C.M: We have to get that gate open!  
  
C.L: No f*cking sh&t, Mifune! You got any bright ideas???  
  
C.M: How should I know??? I have to die a bloody and painful death in about 5 seconds!! (dies)  
  
The Kid: I'm really annoying, but I save the day! (shoots the links and the door opens, the Hammer fires its EMP destroying all the sentinels, blah blah blah---You've SEEN the damn movie, you KNOW what happens)  
  
(Trinity dies—we really don't care—and Neo goes to fight Smith)  
  
A.S: Mister Anderson!  
  
Neo: Yeah? What do you want?  
  
A.S: I'm standing in the rain, getting my suit wet and it's REALLY hard to see in the rain wearing sunglasses!  
  
Neo: Dude, who wears sunglasses in the rain?!~  
  
A.S: WE DO, you dickhead!  
  
Neo: It ends tonight.  
  
A.S: No, duh, you moron! This is the part of the movie that all the Smith and Neo fangirls in the audience want to see!  
  
S/N fangirls: YEAH!!  
  
(Smith and Neo crack their knuckles in a threatening manner and start prancing toward each other)  
  
A.S: Hey, Gay Smith #4—get back in line! We SMITHS do not PRANCE!!  
  
Gay Smith #4: But we look so cool! And black is SO not my color!!!  
  
Neo: There are GAY Smiths???  
  
A.S: Well, yeah! I took over so many people in the Matrix, some were BOUND to be gay!!  
  
(Smith and Neo meet up and start bitch-slapping each other, then fixing their hair)  
  
Larry W: Hey guys, you have to FIGHT each other, NOT do your hair!!!  
  
(Neo and Smith hug)  
  
N + S: What are we doing???!! Ahhh! (NOW they start to fight)  
  
Audience: Yay!  
  
(We see Smith fly up and fight with Neo a while, then kicks his ass into the side of a building)  
  
Neo: OK, let me spit some blood out then REALLY piss you off by my "come and get me big boy" hand movement!  
  
Smith: GRR!  
  
(Neo and Smith fight some more until Neo kicks Smith in the head a couple of times)  
  
A.S: You broke my sunglasses and made me bite my tongue! (spits blood out of his mouth) You are SOO dead!  
  
(We see them collide, there is a really big water something-or-other-ball effect. This happens every couple of minutes or so)  
  
Audience: YAWN! It was COOL the first time---can't they think of anything to do???  
  
(Smith grabs Neo and they start to fall to the ground)  
  
Neo: Dude, stop HUGGING me!!!  
  
A.S: You dickhead, I'm trying to KILL you, NOT make out with you!!  
  
Neo: That's OK, then.  
  
(They fall and cause a big crater in the street)  
  
A.S: Why, Mr. Anderson, why? I have to ask 10 questions in a row and NOT give you time to answer any of them!  
  
Neo: I'm nearly dead, you dillhole! How can I answer them?  
  
A.S: What a moron! They are RHETORICAL questions, NOT ones you really have to answer!! Jeez, how come you won't die already???  
  
Neo: Because I have to punch you in the face and show a really cool special effect while doing it!  
  
A.S: OWWW that hurt! And you SMEARED my makeup—you bastard!!!  
  
Neo: Take me over, will you, so this movie can end!!  
  
(throws Smith into the wall of the crater, Smith comes out, then takes over Neo)  
  
A.S: Ha ha, I won!  
  
(Neo/Smith starts to twitch)  
  
A.S: Uh oh, that can't be good! (watches as Neo/Smith explodes) . Yay! My character dies and I don't have to do a cheesy American accent anymore!!  
  
(All the Smiths explode)  
  
Smith fangirls: NOOO! At least Neo's dead—yay!  
  
Neo fangirls: Noo! At least Smith is dead—yay!  
  
(The two rival fangirl groups start fighting each other)  
  
(Meanwhile onscreen........we see the Architect arrive)  
  
Audience Member: Aw, f*ck! This guy is gonna do ANOTHER speech isn't he??! Arrgh!  
  
Sati: Look at me, I'm so cute and adorable!  
  
The Oracle: Shut up kid. You bother me!  
  
THE END 


End file.
